He couldn’t be sure if Julian was awake last night or if he knew anything but he hated himself for betraying Julian’s trust.
Julian felt guilty too, he had known what happened last night, he enjoyed it but he did not want to admit to it.
He had never had gay sex in the past and he can’t accept the reality that he succumbed to temptation.
He tried to break the silence, “Why are you so quiet? Worried about rehabilitation? Don’t worry unduly, you will be able to kick off the habit. And I will be there for you.”
Sylvester nodded appreciatively and asked, “Julian, I need to confess to you, I did a horrible thing last night. I…am sorry…I….”
Julian stopped Sylvester from continuing, not sure how he would react, he interrupted, “Sylvester, don’t say anything. We are going to be late, finish up the breakfast and we have to run.”
Julian drove Sylvester to the centre and made the necessary registrations when all were done, Julian said to Sylvester, “Just make sure you adhere to the rules and regulations here. Do not make any hasty decisions. I will come here everyday to have counseling session with you, just discuss or tell me if you have any problems.”
Sylvester really felt compelled to hug Julian for all he had done for him but he resisted and just nodded in appreciation.
Sylvester felt the urge to tear when Julian left but he did not allow himself to cry in front of others, he was brought up to take sufferings in silence and he did not want Julian to see him so easily defeated.
Sylvester roamed around the centre after Julian left, he was really at a lost, and unsure what he could do.
Then a nurse came up to him and brought him to the isolation room to start his program.
Sylvester had not have any kicks for drugs since he was discharged from hospital but the isolation room made him uneasy and he suddenly yearned for the comfort of drugs again.
Images of Julian appeared before him, he tried to control his urge, not wanting to disappoint Julian but he can’t seem to fight the temptation and started to scream and kicked on the walls.
He started to perspire badly, feeling shivers all over his body and the feelings got worse that he continued to shout at the top of his voice.
He had forgotten about his promise to Julian and started to beg to anyone outside the room for drugs relief. He behaved more agitatedly when his pleas went ignored.
Sylvester survived through his first night in isolation and when he came out of the room the following day, he felt free and relieved.
He knew he would get to see Julian that day and told him what he had gone through the night before.
He washed himself thoroughly and made sure he looked smart in the centre wardrobe and waited for Julian patiently.
Sylvester started to feel uneasy and worried when the time ticked away and soon it was time for lunch, he wanted to call Julian but realized that he had never asked for his contact.
He waited through lunch and only managed to grab a few bites.
His eyes lit up when Julian appeared at the center, perspiring profusely.
“Sorry Sylvester, I was caught in a meeting and could not come in the morning. Have you taken your lunch? Are you feeling unwell? You look sick.” Julian apologized once he was in front of Sylvester.
His caring tone soothed Sylvester and he just kept smiling.
They talked like old friends that day and Julian encouraged Sylvester to fight his addiction and both of them can’t help but to feel that their friendship had reached another level.
When it was time for Julian to leave, he reassured Sylvester that he will see him daily for counseling and reminded him to tide over this period.
Stepping out of the center, Julian felt confused, he knew he had crossed the line of ethnics of professionalism.
He didn’t want to admit but he knew he was feeling something for Sylvester, not as a charge, but someone more.
He wanted to take care and support Sylvester as his close one, his next of kin, and his lover.
But yet, he knew it can’t happen as he was attached to Vernetta and she thinks he is straight.
He tried to talk himself out that he was just having an identity crisis but yet at the same time, he knew it was not possible to happen at his age.
He cannot understand why was he feeling this way, he badly needed to talk to Vernetta and to have Vernetta by his side now.
Sylvester had been doing very well in the rehabilitation center, with a lot of help from Julian.
He knew he was able to brave through the program as he had Julian with him. He knew he would not be able to survive if it was not for Julian.
He felt strongly for Julian and images of him romancing Julian that night crept into his dream every night.
When he sees Julian every morning, he just wants to hug him and kiss and make passionate love to him but he can’t.
He was counting down the days to his release and when his release date approaches, he felt excited to leave the centre and at the same time, worried, he had nowhere to go and he knew Vernetta was back at Singapore.
Julian came to pick Sylvester up on the day of his release, Sylvester had deliberately dressed up to wait for Julian.
Julian’s wide grin greeted Sylvester and Sylvester smiled back.
“Finally! You are getting out of the centre. You look smart today!” Julian said.
“Thank you. I have to look presentable today since I can leave this place finally and also to show my appreciation to you. Thank you so much for staying with me for the past 3 months, it’s you that I can stand up again.” Sylvester said earnestly.
Julian absent mindedly placed his hands on Sylvester and showed him out of the centre, the sudden electric feeling sent shivers down Sylvester’s spine and he felt as if his heart was jumping out of his body.
Sylvester slowed down when they reached Julian’s car and asked, “Julian, where am I to report for my curfew? Where are you bringing me? You know I have nowhere to go.”
Placing his hands on Sylvester’s shoulders, Julian said affirmatively, “I said I will not forsake you. I will be here for you till you are totally out of the program. I have spoken to Vernetta and she does not object to you staying with us for this period or till you manages to find a place to stay. She isn’t in Singapore that often so you don’t have to feel too awkward staying with us.”
The last word, us, stung Sylvester like a bee. He felt he was after all an outsider, and he hated to be the one to witness the lovey dovey of Julian and Vernetta.
He felt that Julian belonged to him and he had no intention to share Julian with another woman.
But he had nowhere to go, he needed to finish his program otherwise his rehabilitation would have gone to naught.
He struggled within himself and finally let go of all pride and selfish thoughts, he followed Julian up his car and headed to his condominium.
to be continued....
Redemption is written by Covantai, who enjoys writing short stories yet having difficulties finding an avenue to post his entries. For more of Covantai, please visit http://covantai.blogspot.com/
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